The zombie hordes smelled the sweet, decaying scent of BIRTHDAY PRESENTS and they swarmed, a seething, groaning mass of feral hunger. Then they had cake!

The zombie hordes smelled the sweet, decaying scent of BIRTHDAY PRESENTS and they swarmed, a seething, groaning mass of feral hunger. Then they had cake!

Moments later, he burst into flame. I’m a terrible mother.

Moments later, he burst into flame. I’m a terrible mother.

Zombie vampire boys sometimes experience a little infantile gender confusion. It’s totally normal. Just know that blood is hard to get out of tulle, so don’t let them cross-dress while feeding.

Zombie vampire boys sometimes experience a little infantile gender confusion. It’s totally normal. Just know that blood is hard to get out of tulle, so don’t let them cross-dress while feeding.

Vampire Demon Baby will mess your shit UP.

Vampire Demon Baby will mess your shit UP.

Vampire Demon Babies love afternoons in the park, especially when they get to play near slow-moving seniors. (Not shown: leg bone of slow moving senior.)

Vampire Demon Babies love afternoons in the park, especially when they get to play near slow-moving seniors. (Not shown: leg bone of slow moving senior.)

The duckies weren’t actually all that scared, until he gutted one and used its entrails for bath toys.

The duckies weren’t actually all that scared, until he gutted one and used its entrails for bath toys.

She tore out the guts of her dance teacher after this photo was taken. Because, you know, monsters don’t do jazz hands.

She tore out the guts of her dance teacher after this photo was taken. Because, you know, monsters don’t do jazz hands.

I don’t know why they turned out this way. That one little experiment that my husband and I did with monster DNA was just, you know, experimenting.

I don’t know why they turned out this way. That one little experiment that my husband and I did with monster DNA was just, you know, experimenting.

I suppose the fact that my children are life-sucking night-crawlers explains a lot about why I don’t get any sleep.

I suppose the fact that my children are life-sucking night-crawlers explains a lot about why I don’t get any sleep.